Michael Jordan stopped believing in the Bernouli Effect and caused five planes to crash

  • Apr 16, 2011
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Michael Jordan once said “good morning” in a perfect Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. If you heard it you would’ve thought it was really Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  • Aug 8, 2010
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Michael Jordan introduced himself to me as “The Pumper” and told me he would be my friend.

  • May 27, 2010
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Michael Jordan once recycled Dennis Miller’s joke about a Haley Joel Osment birthday party at Benihana

  • Apr 21, 2010
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Michael Jordan is currently amassing a multi-million dollar budget to resurrect Jeff Goldblum’s status as a sex symbol

  • Apr 21, 2010
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Michael Jordan averaged 41 points per game in the 1993 NBA Finals

  • Apr 2, 2010
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Michael Jordan is a great guy

  • Mar 27, 2010
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Michael Jordan got his meat lumped by some real Bay Area weight pushers

  • Feb 14, 2010
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Michael Jordan paid top dollar for video of a fatal amusement park accident

  • Feb 14, 2010
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Michael Jordan snuck into a retirement home, hid under one of the elderly resident’s beds, layed quietly in wait until the middle of the night and then shouted at the top of his lungs and rattled on the underside of the bed like some kind of demon

  • Feb 8, 2010
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Michael Jordan invited me to the movies, ordered popcorn and then exposed me to an entirely different ‘pop secret’

  • Feb 5, 2010
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Michael Jordan gladly does the thing that Meatloaf wont do for love

  • Feb 3, 2010
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Michael Jordan went to a PTA meeting at his kid’s school thinking it was a PYT meeting

  • Jan 31, 2010
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Michael Jordan had Claude Garamond’s tombstone re-done in Helvetica

  • Jan 23, 2010
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Michael Jordan pulls his pants and underwear all the way down to the floor when he goes pee

  • Jan 13, 2010
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Michael Jordan went from totally chic to totally geek

  • Jan 13, 2010
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Michael Jordan has a crush on Rufio from Hook

  • Jan 8, 2010
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Michael Jordan asked if I was referring to “dot or feather” when I suggested we get Indian food

  • Jan 8, 2010
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Michael Jordan said “I’d tap that” in reference to Ru Paul

  • Jan 8, 2010
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Michael Jordan thinks that the only thing Kobe Bryant did wrong in Colorado was “not kill the bitch”

  • Jan 8, 2010
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Michael Jordan thinks that George Bush cares about Black people

  • Jan 8, 2010
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Michael Jordan called an Asian American blackjack dealer a “slope” after losing a $5 hand

  • Jan 7, 2010
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Michael Jordan is a self-proclaimed “Funeral Crasher”, claiming to have slept with over 1,000 grief stricken women

  • Jan 6, 2010
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Michael Jordan once stole the street sign from W Jordan St (Brevard, NC 28712) and used it to brutally spank the son of a close family friend

  • Jan 6, 2010
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Michael Jordan uses his influence to schedule unnecessary power outages in poor neighborhoods

  • Jan 6, 2010
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Michael Jordan had mutually deceived cybersex with one of his sons

  • Jan 5, 2010
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Michael Jordan sang Metallica’s “Sad but True” in the voice of a leprechaun

  • Jan 5, 2010
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Michael Jordan was spotted at a Blockbuster Video suggesting the film Double Jeopardy

  • Jan 4, 2010
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Michael Jordan got a free coffee at a roadside Boy Scout fundraiser and muttered the words “fuck that” as he left without giving the suggested donation.

  • Jan 4, 2010
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Michael Jordan created two different online dating profiles: one seeking “regular sex”; and one seeking “butt sex”.

  • Jan 4, 2010
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Michael Jordan agrees that Tim Tebow is wildly overrated

  • Jan 1, 2010
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Michael Jordan started a charity to give African families malaria

  • Jan 1, 2010
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Michael Jordan believes that Islamic extremists should “lighten up”

  • Jan 1, 2010
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Michael Jordan flew to the sun on wings of wax

  • Jan 1, 2010
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Michael Jordan was concerned that animals may have been hurt during the production of Jurassic Park

  • Jan 1, 2010
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Michael Jordan claims a home office in his annual tax returns, though he is retired

  • Jan 1, 2010
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Michael Jordan told me that his shit doesn’t stink

  • Jan 1, 2010
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Michael Jordan had perverted fantasies about his teenage daughter’s friend involving rose petals and music from the American Beauty soundtrack.

  • Dec 29, 2009
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Michael Jordan made his signature dunk from behind the foul line and then immediately crossed the line again with his signature joke about the Holocaust.

  • Dec 29, 2009
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Michael Jordan Gave Magic Johnson AIDS

  • Dec 23, 2009
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Michael Jordon called a filthy 900 number and insisted they charge him double the normal rate

  • Dec 20, 2009
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Michael Jordan told me that his penchant for hookers was justified by years of worshipping a false god

  • Dec 12, 2009
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Michael Jordan touched a gross person with a 10-foot pole

  • Dec 8, 2009
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Michael Jordan called me and asked me to open a door for him. When I got to the door he had his right ball pressed against the glass.

  • Dec 8, 2009
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Michael Jordan chastised a masturbator for being wasteful

  • Dec 5, 2009
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Michael Jordan believes that strippers actually like him

  • Dec 5, 2009
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Michael Jordan slunk his head up from the steering wheel and looked at me with murderous eyes and told me that a midget’s life is worth half the value of a normal sized person

  • Dec 5, 2009
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Michael Jordan said “good riddance” in reference to Patrick Swayze.

  • Dec 5, 2009
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Michael Jordan called Nelson Mandella a “show off”

  • Dec 5, 2009
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Michael Jordan is having an affair with the ‘UPS Whiteboard Guy’

  • Dec 5, 2009
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Read more

Michael Jordan’s Cousin Told Me That He was a ‘Down Low’ Brother

  • Dec 2, 2009
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Michael Jordan told me he wouldn’t celebrate Thanksgiving until every last Native American was dead by his hand

  • Nov 30, 2009
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Michael Jordan’s attraction to smart, beautiful women is surpassed only by his taste for just about anything else.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan confided in me about his fear of China.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan pantsed me and splashed my trouser snake with a spit bucket.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan threatened to pacify me with a buttplug.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan’s wife is never short of mortified by the things he says in his sleep about gay people.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan sites his love of the show Seinfeld as grounds for him not being an anti-semite.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan went into a morgue for an hour and came out tired and satisfied.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan uses a mantra to curb his desire to be showered in kids’ pee.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan “killed that bitch before OJ even had a chance.”

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan was the inspiration for the 1995 movie Powder.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan chain-whipped a teen with a bicycle lock outside of a public library.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan sexually molested a priest when Michael Jordan was a child.

  • Nov 27, 2009
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Michael Jordan told me that he would celebrate Thanksgiving if only he had something to be thankful for

  • Nov 25, 2009
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Michael Jordan told me that the only color that matters is green

  • Nov 24, 2009
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Michael Jordan believes that the LA riots were a laughing stock.

  • Nov 19, 2009
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Michael Jordan once used an empty Cheetos bag as a condom.

  • Nov 19, 2009
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Michael Jordan pushed a button and I shit my pants.

  • Nov 19, 2009
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Michael Jordan put the palm of his hand on my face and it smelled like crotch-rot.

  • Nov 19, 2009
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Michael Jordan pistol whipped me because he didn’t like my shirt.

  • Nov 19, 2009
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Michael Jordan beat me half to death with my own flacid penis.

  • Nov 19, 2009
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Michael Jordan took me to Cocomo, but despite the popular song, it took forever to get there and then he immediately demanded sex!

  • Nov 19, 2009
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Michael told me he designs all of his shoes for the comfort of Neo Nazis ‘fighting the good fight’.

  • Nov 18, 2009
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Michael slam dunked my balls, but the worst part was he never called me again. Hahaha. No, but in all seriousness yeah, he was actually pretty aggressive.

  • Nov 18, 2009
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Michael Jordon stuck thumbtacks in my buttocks and thighs and told me it was a warrior ritual.

  • Nov 18, 2009
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Michael Jordan smoked fake pot at a Cypress Hill concert.

  • Nov 18, 2009
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Michael Jordan writes the terrible Top 10 lists you see on Yahoo.com

  • Nov 17, 2009
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Michael Jordan is a blind, egotistical asshole who denies that he can’t see shit!

  • Nov 17, 2009
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Michael Jordan stood on an overlooking hill and recklessly hurled rocks at the metal rooves of a multi-unit self storage facility because he liked the sound of the bombardment, regardless of the fact that he could gravely injure someone.

  • Nov 17, 2009
  • 1 Comment

Michael Jordan put pee pee in my Coke.

  • Nov 17, 2009
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Michael Jordan poured a full bottle of wine all over an infant in a crib.

  • Nov 17, 2009
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Michael Jordan took something out of my shopping cart and then put it back after he decided he didn’t want it.

  • Nov 17, 2009
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Michael Jordan called Verizon Wireless pretending to be me and demaned to talk to a manager for no discernible reason.

  • Nov 17, 2009
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Michael Jordan told Michael Jackson that he was a great babysitter

  • Nov 17, 2009
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Michael Jordan is ashamed of his family.

  • Nov 16, 2009
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Michael Jordan put his hands behind his back and slapped me with something.

  • Nov 16, 2009
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Michael Jordan peed on a bugzapper and shorted it out, rendering the party buggy.

  • Nov 16, 2009
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Michael Jordon pooped at a bar.

  • Nov 16, 2009
  • 2 Comments

Michael Jordan laughed at me while fucking me.

  • Nov 16, 2009
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Michael Jordan dumped me off in the middle of fucking nowhere and treated me like a hooker.

  • Nov 16, 2009
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Michael Jordan cut my eyelids off and forced me to watch him take a shit.

  • Nov 16, 2009
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Michael Jordan Demands $15,000 for autograph

  • Nov 16, 2009
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MJ Disses Chamillionaire

Michael Jordan proved to me how he’s hindered progress in developing countries

  • Nov 16, 2009
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Michael Jordan invited me to Chicago and showed me lewd pictures

  • Nov 16, 2009
  • 1 Comment

Michael Jordan told me that God wasn’t real

  • Nov 16, 2009
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Michael Jordan made me eat a shit sandwich

  • Nov 16, 2009
  • 1 Comment

Michael Jordan told me that I couldn’t fly

  • Nov 16, 2009
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